Takeaways
- Face-to-Face talking & physical separation are not causing loneliness & isolation.
- People struggle to share openly & honestly.
- People struggle to listen without shaming, judging, or degrading.
- Real connection takes time, intention, and consistency.
- Lack of connection compromises Emotional Health and drives destructive, compensatory behaviors.
Lack of Face-to-Face Talking Is Not Causing Loneliness
Physical Separation Is Not Causing Social Isolation
By Kevin R. Strauss, M.E.
Loneliness & Isolation is a global epidemic. If you don’t believe me, ask the US Surgeon General, the UK Ministry of Loneliness, the CDC, or the WHO.
It is said people need more face-to-face contact yet video calls are more common than ever and the problem continues.
It is said people need to be “physically together” yet how many people feel lonely in a house full of people, in a classroom, or in a workplace?
If talking works so well then why do so many people still feel lonely even in a monogamous, romantic relationship?
Our ability to speak and talk for the past 50,000+ years is not the problem.
The real problem is that even if we are talking, we’re not actually sharing openly and honestly and we’re not listening without judging, shaming, or degrading.
How many of us have finished a conversation not feeling heard or understood. In other words, feeling worse than before?
How many of us post on social media just to feel “seen”, by someone, believing that a “like” or “follower” is a connection when clearly, it is not.
How many kids feel like their parents don’t listen and vice versa?
How many students feel like their teachers don’t listen and vice versa?
How many employees feel like their managers don’t listen and vice versa?
How many citizens feel like their governments don’t listen and vice versa?
The problem IS NOT that we do not know how to talk, that we’re not face-to-face, and that we are not in the same physical space.
The problem IS that we do not know how to connect.
For 2500 years, people have been able to have profoundly deep connections, feeling heard, understood, and valued, simply by writing letters.
Real connection occurs when both people share comparable kinds of information to a comparable level of depth or intimacy.
With consistency and time, the connection deepens.
Of course people can connect emotionally through verbal dialogue but if it was really working humanity would not be struggling, as we are, to feel a connection…
And the emotional pain experienced would not lead to so many destructive behaviors attempting to compensate.
Well said, Kevin. Whole-heartedly agree. It starts with parents dumping children in front of the TV as a babysitting alternative.
Teens need parents to be there but not nag or follow them around.
Children cry when they feel a lack of belonging. Teens do questionable behaviour to seek attention.
These two responses are regarded as bad behaviour and are ignored or treated with discipline.
Thanks, just a short reply!!!!!
Thank you for adding to the conversation Sheila du Plessis. It’s so hard for parents to do what they do not know and were never taught. Sadly, the “experts” have been wrong for so long. So many systems, attitudes, and beliefs have been in a place for so long that originated without any true, factual understanding. It’s heartbreaking but it CAN change for the better. There are much better ways that will require effort, and often discomfort to change, but the outcomes will be significantly better for everyone!