Takeaways
- Screens themselves aren’t the root problem.
- Scrolling often serves a purpose.
- Technology shapes behavior by design — for better or worse.
- Small changes in how technology is used can have a big, positive impact.
Screens Aren’t the Problem. How We’re Using Them Is.
What’s really driving our urge to scroll?
By Kevin R. Strauss, M.E.
My 89-year-old father spends a lot of time doom-scrolling on social media.
It’s easy to say screens are the problem. But they are not. And clearly this isn’t just a teenager issue.
Watching him made me notice something.
People don’t open their phones because they love screens. They open them because something inside feels unsettled, uncomfortable — which is another way of saying pain.
Stress.
Loneliness.
Tension in relationships.
Feeling misunderstood.
Feeling unseen.
The phone becomes a quick place to escape for a moment.
And social media is very good at providing that momentary relief. Small bursts of stimulation (e.g. dopamine) that feel good for a second — but fade quickly, which is why the scrolling keeps going.
It’s literally designed that way.
The more stimulation you receive, the more you crave the next hit — which is exactly how addictive systems work.
Over the past few weeks, I noticed something interesting in my own life.
When my stress is lower — when relationships feel supportive and my basic needs are being met — the urge to doom-scroll almost disappears.
The phone is still there.
The apps are still there.
But the need to escape into them isn’t.
And that made me realize something important.
Screens are not the problem. How we’re using them is.
Now we’re blaming screens for nearly every problem in society — just like people once blamed television, video games, rock and roll, women entering the workforce, and countless other cultural shifts.
But those were never the root cause.
Most of the time people reach for their phones because they’re trying to soothe something inside.
Social media provides stimulation (e.g. dopamine).
But stimulation isn’t the same as satisfaction.
Connection works differently.
When people feel heard, understood, and valued, the brain sends bonding and safety signals (e.g. oxytocin). It takes a little more effort than scrolling, but the effect is deeper, more stabilizing, and far longer lasting than momentary stimulation.
Stress drops significantly.
The nervous system settles.
And when that happens, the need for constant distraction fades — and screen time naturally decreases.
Technology like this can be used in two very different ways.
It can keep people endlessly stimulated.
Or it can strengthen the relationships that actually reduce stress.
There’s a free app called Uchi — a Japanese word meaning “in-group” or “inner circle.” Its mission is to strengthen relationships using technology in a very different way.
It’s a guided social activity designed to help people connect with those closest to them — simply by answering thoughtful questions from Uchi’s database or from a private uchiTribe created by a leader who invites you to join.
The structure is intentionally simple, yet surprisingly effective.
No public feed.
No ads.
No influencers.
No algorithm.
No reading someone’s answer unless you’ve answered that question yourself.
Just perspective sharing among people who matter to each other.
In many ways it’s not a new idea at all.
People have been forming deep connections for over 2,500 years simply by writing letters. Uchi simply moves that forward into the 21st century — with a little added structure.
What’s fascinating is how quickly things begin to change.
Families report less tension.
Students engage more and behavior improves.
Conversations deepen and people start to feel like they truly matter.
And the amount of time involved is tiny.
Ten minutes of real connection can do more than ninety minutes of scrolling.
That’s because the goal isn’t stimulation (dopamine).
It’s connection (oxytocin).
And connection does something stimulation never can — it actually satisfies the need people were trying to meet when they picked up their phone in the first place.
I believe the conversation about screens has been completely backwards.
The real question isn’t how much time people spend on screens.
The real question is what unmet need and pain those screens are helping people ease — and that so many tech companies are exploiting.
Everything feels possible when you know someone has your back, every day.
And screens can absolutely help create that kind of connection when they’re designed for it.